Broken
by Valoja
Summary: Ellen Blaire, presumably delinquent, was caught by the military for being suspected of having connections with Jack Smith, a wanted drugsdealer and murderer. Roy Mustang takes the case upon himself, seeing something in Ellen nobody else wanted to see. After they both gain each others' trust, Roy tries to protect Ellen when he finds out that Jack wants her back: but not alive. [OC]
1. Once Again We Found Ourselve to be Lost

**Once Again We Found Ourselves to Be Lost  
**_"I was raised from a broken seed, I grew up to be an unwanted weed."_

So here I was, glaring at the floor as if it were to be blamed for the situation I was in. But I knew it was my own fault. If only I had been more careful.

No, wait, that was wrong. If only I had never joined that group of delinquents. If only I had never accepted that guy's offer. If only I had never _met_ that guy. If only I had listened to my parents…

But whatever, it was too late for that anyway.

Right now I was sitting in Colonel Roy Mustang's office for the third day and said Colonel was not happy with me.

Roy suppressed a sigh as he tapped his pen against the sheet of paper that was practically blank.

"Tell me," he said and this time it was my turn to suppress a sigh, "_What were you doing?_". It sounded more like a threat than a question, though I didn't really give it any notice as I coolly stared at the irritated Colonel.

"I bet you'd like to know," I taunted, making a vein pop up on Roy's forehead.

In an attempt to calm himself down, he stared at the sheet once again, deciding to read what little he had written down.

_Surname: Blaire  
Given name: Ellen  
Date of birth: 1890  
Height: 168 cm  
Sex: F_

And he had gotten all this information from her ID…

"I guess I'll have to call your parents then…" he sighed dramatically as he placed his hand on the phone. He felt like he was working for the police instead of the military.

Could someone remind him why he had been given this task?

Oh, right. He had volunteered for it himself. He couldn't remember why, though.

"No!" I perked up at hearing the word 'parents', surprising Roy that his trap had actually worked. It wasn't like he could call her parents, he didn't have their number.

"Why not?" Roy asked slyly as he placed the horn back where it belonged.

"'Cause they suck!" I yelled at him, angry at the thought of those… monsters.

_Crap,_ was all that went through my mind as I realized what I had just done.

Roy had to try his best to keep his mouth shut, so instead he let his eyes widen slightly. Of course he had heard thousands of _teenagers_ say that their parents suck, but he had never heard it come from a bloody 24 year old _woman_.

This 24 year old 'woman' was practically acting like a 15 year old!

Roy groaned as he slammed his head onto his desk, his arms covering his head as he heard said 24 year old 'woman' make a victory yell.

He remembered when they found her in a maze of dark alleys. It was obvious that she had been there for quite some time because she seemed to know it like that back of her hand. It was also obvious that she had been beat up — though lightly, because she had already recovered within three days. At least, she didn't show any signs of pain.

Everyone else had been scared of her, because it seemed as if she'd try to bite anyone who tried to get too close. They saw it as a threat, that she was angry and would try to kill anyone who'd enter her personal space, though Roy saw that she was scared to death, a small puppy, barking and bearing it's fangs to keep itself safe. But everyone knows that barking dogs don't bite.

And right now, Roy was regretting his decision to save her from all the punishment that she would've gotten if she went to someone else, and instead do the job, just a bit friendlier. But by the looks of it, this puppy actually deserved the harsh treatment.

"So, tell me, why exactly do your parents 'suck'?" Roy tried again, rubbing his forehead while making a mental note to never try headdesking again.

I sat back down on my spot, my victorious mood melting like snow in the sun, clouds hanging above my head.

"Well, you can go ahead and try calling them and see if they could help you with anything, not that they care about me. Tell them to come pick me up and they'd leave me here in the hope of getting rid of me that way."

Roy suddenly managed to understand where the childish behaviour came from. Kids who run away from home, feeling as though their parents couldn't care less about them tend to mature slowly, without 'parental advice'.

"Did anything particular happen between you and your parents, then?" he knew he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't stop trying.

I shrugged while playing with the end of the sleeve of my slightly ragged shirt. It was about time I got a new one.

"They're just the usual, strict parents who want you to do exactly what they tell you to do and I'm just the usual, rebel-like daughter who wants to do everything exactly the opposite way. And well, when I snapped, it went all the way down and they threw me out," I muttered angrily.

"Must've been hard on you..." Roy admitted slowly, crossing his arms and looking at the ceiling with a slight frown.

I sighed and mimicked his movements. A few seconds later, I registered what he had said and jumped up. "Wait a minute… All the other people who got to hear that told me my parents were right!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Roy said as he stood up, frowning down at me.

"Ellen Blaire! You should've been a good girl! You should've listened to what your parents told you to do!" he yelled semi-angrily.

For some reason we both burst out into laughter after.

Roy noticed how her laughter had rough edges, making him wonder how long it had been since she had last laughed. He pushed the thought away and decided to enjoy the sound of her laughing, though he didn't have a clue why the sound made him so happy.

* * *

"Good morning~!" a certain annoying, family-obsessed Lieutenant Colonel yelled as he slammed the door to a certain half-asleep man's room open.

Said half-asleep man groaned, quickly picking up a pen and some papers that needed his signature and acted as if he had been busy doing his job for once.

Maes Hughes smiled brightly, making Roy wonder how on earth he managed to be so wide-awake in the early morning. Fine, maybe it wasn't so early, but for Roy, it was early… Every hour of the day he happened to be at work was early, for that matter.

"Do you want some coffee?" Maes asked cheerfully, answering Roy's unasked question, though adding another one; how many cups of coffee did he drink? Obviously enough to do his work properly(?) _and_ have energy over to brag about his family. Or maybe his family was somehow giving him energy? Roy couldn't help but think naughty thoughts, making a mental note that maybe this 'family-thing' wasn't as bad as he had thought. On the other hand, he really didn't want to become someone who'd carry an army of pictures with him, just to shove them in other people's faces.

"I do," an angry voice came from the heap of blankets that was lying on the couch, a pair of bare feet popping out from under it.

Hughes raised an eyebrow as he went to do some investigation on the personal case 'Since when and how do blankets talk?' Peeling the covers away from the body lying under them, he found me glaring at him.

If looks could kill…

"And who might you be?" curiosity had soon been replaced with friendliness.

"The person you just woke up," I grumbled, ripping the blankets from him and pulling them back over my head, then turning over with a muffled curse.

Hughes raised both eyebrows as he redirected his gaze to Roy, who was still furiously signing papers in the hope of being left alone.

"Since when do you allow your dates to sleep at your work?" was the question that forced two winces out of two different people.

Roy opened his mouth, though a, "I'm not his date!" interrupted him. "Like she said, she isn't my date."

Hughes' mouth formed an 'o', and somehow he managed to put the non-existent sum of two and two together. He sneaked up to Roy, whispering something into his ear.

Whatever had been said shall stay unknown forever, but it seemed embarrassing enough to cause a blush to appear on Roy's face.

"You IDIOT! Of course not!" he yelled, forcing the redness away. How he did _that_ shall stay unknown forever as well.

Maes seemed disappointed at the response, but shrugged it off. "Oh well, women don't like workaholics anyway."

At that, a taunting grin spread across Roy's face.

"Actually, I happen to know a woman who just _loves_ to see me work," he glanced at the room where a certain hawk was hiding, waiting for just the perfect moment to fly in and smack him in the face, telling him to do his work. Well, kind of like that.

"And I know a woman who would just _love_ to kick two certain men in their balls and throw them out of the window to _finally_ get some sleep," I snapped, though the moment I yawned, the threat had lost its danger.

"Haven't you had all night to get some sleep?" Roy muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose while leaning backwards slightly.

I sat up and glared at him. "Like I could sleep in a place where I can't just get up and leave. It's like being some wild animal in a cage!"

"Well, wild animals get used to those cages, so you could do so too, right?" Roy shot back.

"What do you know? They just might be plotting revenge and writing a list of people they'd want to kill when they manage to retrieve freedom."

"Are you telling me you're planning on having your revenge and killing me the moment you're free?"

"I never said I was. Though now that you mention it, I just might start thinking of a plan."

"Oh, and now I guess I'm supposed to be scared, right?"

"I thought you were a hero."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Since when do heroes fear death?"

"Heroes are people too. Since when do people _not_ fear death?"

"Since I invented the muffins."

"I highly doubted you'd invent anything. What's a muffin, by the way?"

"Am I that predictable? And it's just some word I invented on the spot to annoy you."

Nobody seemed to notice Hughes sneak off. As he closed the door behind him, he walked off while muttering something about some married couple having a fight.

* * *

Roy stared out of his window, reminding himself that today was the seventh day of Ellen's 'stay'. Ever since day four she had been busy dwelling on what she could invent and give the name 'muffin', snapping at him whenever he'd try to get to talk to her. He had never thought that she'd be so determined to stay silent when it came to what she had been doing after her parents kicked her out and he was starting to run out of options.

He had even used his last resort; trying to get her to fall for him by using his charms. The bitch had laughed at his attempt to flirt and poked at him with one of her sarcastic sayings.

He suddenly remembered that she had been complaining about not being able to sleep because she knew she didn't have any freedom and started to wonder if he should allow her to go out for a walk once in a while.

No way! Knowing her, she'd make a run for it the very moment she could. Maybe he should let someone go with her? It seemed like a better plan, though Roy still didn't like the idea of them being knocked out or something. The best idea was probably that he went out with her himself.

Roy sighed dramatically and ran a hand through his hair. Turning around, I looked up and saw the pained expression on his face, as if he was stuck on an evil maths problem and he couldn't find his way out. Probably that evil maths problem was 'How am I going to get that stupid girl to tell me her shit?' or something.

Any other girl would've asked if there was anything wrong, seriously, but I'm not any other girl.

"What's wrong, _Mustang_?" I started, obviously mocking him. "Did your heart break when the girl you were hitting on didn't react to your flirting like you wanted her to?"

"Ellen," he said and I hummed to let him know I was listening. "What do you want to do most right now?"

I tapped my chin at that, looking up as if God was supposed to help me. "Surprisingly, kicking you up your legs is somewhere near number 20 on my 'What do I want to do?' list. The lucky winner just wants some fresh air that doesn't come from a window."

I glared at the window to emphasize my words.

Roy smiled and stood up, calling 'Hawkeye' into the room. I turned around at the sound of a door opening and closing and saw Riza Hawkeye standing there. She smiled at me, realizing I looked better than when she had been there to capture me. She had been the one to take care of me when I was too busy freaking out to do so myself.

"Please take Ellen to your place. I want to take her out tonight, to give her some freedom, so you should… prepare her." Roy grinned as he strode over to Riza, whispering something to her that I couldn't hear. Riza nodded in reply before taking a step towards me and holding her hand out invitingly. I stood up, slightly confused and let her guide me away while raising an eyebrow at Roy.

* * *

I blinked in surprise as I heard a door open. Riza was motioning for me to follow her and I realized I had been in some trance all the way here, afraid that someone would come to kill me. But that couldn't have been possible because I hadn't received any information. Unless…

I followed Riza into her apartment and sat down on the couch like she told me to. Then she disappeared, leaving me on my own, so I decided to look around.

It was a small house, though I could understand that she didn't need a big one: she didn't live with any other people. There was only the dog that was always with her, and she probably wasn't home very often with a job like that.

A few minutes later, Riza came back, holding up a simple black dress. I wondered if it was going to fit me, because I was probably a size or two larger than Riza was. I mean, I was a street kid, not some woman who worked for the army and who had to be top fit to be able to do her job. Even for someone on the streets, I looked pretty normal. Normal, as in not a stick who seemed to haven't had enough food for the past few years. And don't go picturing me with massive breasts and a huge ass; with normal I really meant normal, and not the freaky stuff people liked to call 'perfect' these days. It wasn't like I could afford to complain about how fat I supposedly was and how badly I needed to start dieting. Probably the only good side of living on the streets was that because there wasn't any time or money to be worrying about your body, you accepted yourself the way you were and so did those around you.

Much to my surprise, it did fit. I didn't know why Riza had a dress that fit me, though I couldn't really care as I looked at myself in the mirror, turning to get a view of various angles.

It didn't just fit, it also looked _good_ on me, and I liked it. I didn't know what exactly what was going on, but right now, I felt comfortable, even while wearing such a beautiful dress, something I'd never really worn before.

For the next two hours, Riza helped me look like some rich woman who was about to enter a far too expensive restaurant. Well, she didn't really help me, she technically did it all by herself.

Staring into the mirror, I tried to find myself as my eyes went over the face of my reflection. My eyelids were covered in some dark colour — brown, though it almost looked black — which somehow matched my black hair and dark blue eyes perfectly. My lips were deep red and there was some powder on my cheeks, smoothed out at the ends so the contrast between my pale skin and my coloured cheeks wasn't too big. My hair was the only thing that was still 'me-ish' and I remembered just how beautiful it was after cleaning it. After all, I had been living on the streets, and there wasn't any guarantee you were going to be able to clean yourself anytime soon.

The funny thing was that I could actually _feel_ the make-up. It was like something heavy had been smeared on my face. I had unconsciously tried to wipe it off a few times, though Riza stopped me and told me I'd get used to it. She was right; after about ten minutes it started to feel natural.

Right now, it was half past seven. At least, the clock standing on something that looked like a desk told me. Riza had said that we'd be leaving at quarter to eight, which was over fifteen minutes.

For some reason, I could feel my heart beat nervously as the seconds ticked by. Was I excited to have a 'date' with some womanizer, just because he could have about fifty other dates in one evening with women who were countless times more beautiful than I am?

While Riza was in the kitchen, preparing some dinner for herself, I looked out of the window, seeing it was already dark; summer was already saying goodbye and winter was going to greet us soon, with autumn in between to keep us entertained.

Winter was my favourite time of the year, especially when it snowed. There was always a lot to do; getting ready for Christmas — not that I had had a real Christmas in the past few years — and New Year — not that I had had one of those either. My birthday happened to be somewhere during winter, though I didn't really care much about that. "Hooray! Let's celebrate the fact that death is one year closer!"? No thank you.

I looked up as Riza walked into the room while pulling on her coat and I saw that it was almost time to leave.

"Come on, you don't want to be late, do you?" she asked with a friendly smile. I glared at her, trying to keep my angry attitude up and remind her that she wasn't a friend, but an enemy. She merely chuckled at my behaviour, leading the way out of her house.

Nasty thoughts filled my head, like, "She looks so calm, but she's probably expecting me to try and run off any moment now," but I ignored them and followed her while trying to keep my distance at the same time.

Ten minutes later, I was concentrating as hard as possible on the task at hand: getting up these steps on these horrible shoes without tripping. Roy was standing at the top, grinning in amusement as he watched me struggle. I glared daggers at him, wondering why I had to go to the top when he could just as well come down, which was faster and easier. After I'd reach him, we'd have to go down together again anyway.

With a sigh I gladly took the last step to safety, Roy greeting me with his grin still present.

"You're an asshole," I grumbled. He laughed at me, making me growl under my breath.

"I get that a lot," he replied, acting surprised while running a hand through his combed hair.

"You think that's weird?" Roy laughed again and I stomped him on the foot, making him combine his laughter with a yelp as I angrily went down the steps — not caring to be careful like on my way up, which resulted in me almost slipping. Roy somehow managed to catch me by grabbing my arm, and I 'ow'-ed as he squeezed a bruise that hadn't healed yet.

"I'm sorry," Roy murmured, suddenly turning into a gentleman and helping me get down the rest of the stairs. Back down on the ground, I noticed that Riza was sitting in her car, ready to start it and drive off.

Roy opened the door to his car that was parked a few steps away, gracefully bowing down. "Ladies first," he said with a hint of arrogance and I could almost hear him grin, though I ignored it and walked towards the car. "Why, thank you," I replied, trying my best to sound just as arrogant as I got into the car, Roy sitting next to me in the back.


	2. Lift the Lid off Your Heart's Casket

**Lift the Lid off Your Heart's Casket  
**_"Ever faster the time exceeds me, little harder again to remember... You."_

The moment I stepped through the doors of this restaurant, I feared that my eyes were going to fall out as I tried to look everywhere at the same time. Roy was amused by my surprise, assuming the things that came closest to 'restaurants' I always visited were cheap bars and other dangerous places filled with people who lived on alcohol and drugs.

The music here was classical, soft and peaceful. The music I was used to was rough, unwelcoming and really just sad. The people looked as if they had stepped right out of one of those stupid, boring movies about far too rich people. I felt like I was getting stares, though it just could have been me. Later I realized that they might have been staring at me because I was technically on a date with _the_ womanizer. Maybe they were pissed that he had found another 'victim', or that he was 'non-available', like anybody would ever be able to have a relationship with him that took longer than 5 hours.

Roy guided me to a table after talking with one of the people working here and I ignored the stares as I followed him. He pulled my chair back, just like a real gentleman, and went to the other side of the table to sit down himself.

"So, tell me something about yourself," Roy said with a grin as he rested his chin on his hands, which he had folded together.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Roy wasn't stupid; by now he would've realized that I wasn't going to tell him anything.

Roy's grin didn't disappear as he welcomed my silence. Straightening his back, he let his hands play with an empty glass standing on the table. "I don't mean for the investigation. Right now, you're just Ellen and I'm just Roy, without the Colonel and stuff. We're just two people trying to get to know each other for personal reasons," he explained.

I frowned at him. "If I tell you something about myself, you might end up using it against me."

"Then I guess you should think if what you're planning on telling me could be used against you. Though I can't really think of a way to use 'my favourite colour is black' or something like that against you…" Roy's grin merely widened as he looked at me.

My lips twitched upwards in a small smile, and I shrugged to cover it up.

"Then go ahead and ask me something."

"What's your favourite colour?" Roy smirked mischievously and I almost face-palmed. "Blue, just like the sky. What about yours?"

"Red. The colour of fire and passion," he winked at me and I realized he was serious about being just two people who were trying to get to know each other, much to my annoyance. "Birthday?"

"December the 19th," I mumbled. "Yours?"

"September the 25th. Have any hobbies?" he quickly thanked the man who placed a basket of bread on the table before leaving, and then he locked his eyes with mine again.

I shrugged at the thought of my hobbies. I hadn't had any time or money to do things that I enjoyed. And as I searched through my memories of things that I liked to do, I found a few appealing thoughts.

"Reading, I guess," I said, ripping my eyes from Roy's to stare at the freshly baked bread. "Fiction, mostly. Horror's quite good too," I felt the sudden urge to pick up a book and start reading. Was that how something being a hobby felt? I honestly couldn't remember.

"Just reading?" Roy mused, stretching his arms out above him. I nodded sheepishly, feeling too tired to think of any other 'hobbies' and instead started to wonder how I survived living on the streets without anything to do.

"Reading's good. I think it makes the soul wiser. You have any particular book you like to read?" he added to his question, making me suppress a small sigh before shrugging in response.

"I haven't been able to read a lot more than dirty newspapers. Wouldn't surprise me if I actually forgot how to read…" I muttered, mainly to myself, though Roy blinked in surprise as he heard it.

Silence fell over our table, a gloomy aura hanging on my side and a few sweat drops on Roy's side, who didn't know what to do.

"Well, what about favourite animals?" Roy quickly threw into the dying conversation, hoping it'd make the gloom disappear. It helped slightly, as I perked up with a small smile on my face. "Definitely cats!"

_Tears streamed down my cheeks and escaped by dripping off my chin as I sunk to my knees._

_"Pesto…" I whimpered at the sight before me; the street cat I had saved a few months ago was lying there, lifeless._

_Jack groaned, rubbing his forehead, then shrugging at the whole situation. "It got in my way, stupid thing. Get over it already, Ellen, it's a freaking **cat**."_

"Ellen? Ellen!" I blinked at the sound of my name, realizing tears were gathering in the corners of my eyes. I shook my head wildly and wiped them away before they could leak. Looking at the smudge of make-up on my fingers, I muttered a curse.

Anger rose inside of me and I wanted to get up, but Roy's commanding voice stopped me. "Stop. Sit down. _Now._"

The waiter from before came back and practically saved the day, or at least the 'date', carrying a few plates that he placed on the table. He continued to do his job, not noticing us staring at his hands as we felt uncomfortable with picking up our conversation.

As soon as he left, I dared myself to look at Roy, finding that he was looking at me too with a raised eyebrow, wondering why I had started to panic a few minutes ago.

It made me realize exactly _why_ I had actually panicked and I also came to the conclusion that quite a lot about Roy reminded me of certain things. Like the way he acted so charmingly tonight reminded me of how Jack used to treat me. I didn't want to remember and my body had known that before I had – and so it also reacted before my brain knew what I was doing.

A sigh from Roy's side of the table pulled me out of my train of thoughts for the second time that evening and I noticed that Roy had started to eat.

"If I'm making you feel bad by making you remember traumatizing memories, you should just say so," he told me and I immediately felt slightly better.

"I know exactly what it's like to think about things you'd rather forget," he added, though I didn't hear him as I slowly started to follow his lead, picking up my spoon and 'digging into' my soup.

The conversation came back to life, starting with the cliché, "Enjoy your meal?" and ending with the questions from before.

"So, what's your favourite animal?" I asked nonchalantly, managing to not remember my own answer to this question.

"Dogs! Loyal animals that do everything you tell them to do without complaining!" it all came out so fast that it seemed as if he had said that more than once. It also made me make a mental note to keep dogs away from him. Poor things.

There was a short pause as we both continued to eat for a while. This time I was the one to break it.

"Do you… do you have any goals, or dreams, that you want to fulfil?" I questioned, not even knowing why I had stuttered or why I was feeling so uncomfortable with this subject. Neither did I know, if it made me uncomfortable, why I had brought it up.

"I want to become Führer," Roy stated, my stuttering gone unnoticed. Or maybe he was pretending he hadn't noticed. And when I asked why, it was his turn to feel uncomfortable. But it only lasted a few moments.

He grinned his trademark grin, again, and claimed to want to become Führer so that he could change the rules in the military and make sure that all the female officers were wearing miniskirts. I almost headdesked, though realized that it was expected. I narrowed my eyes – or maybe he was expecting it to expected. Was that even making any sense?

While I was trying to explain what I thought to myself, Roy seemed to see the busy conversation behind my forehead and continued with his food as he stared at me with an amusing look on his face.

Maybe – just maybe – he wasn't who we thought he was, because he wanted us to think he was someone else than he actually was. When I had indirectly called him a hero, it seemed as if something dark appeared in his eyes, but it was gone almost immediately and I was left wondering if I had imagined it.

Maybe the memories he was stuck with were killing him from the inside, though on the outside it seemed as if he were in perfect condition. I wondered if there was someone who might know if there's something more to Roy Mustang than he shows us. I remembered that he and Hughes seemed pretty close, and told myself that I'd try and talk to him when I could. _If_ I could…

When my head started to hurt, I decided to stop with all the thinking and began eating again. The rest of our time together was spent in silence, though not necessarily uncomfortable silence.

When the waiter came back and asked if we wanted something to drink before leaving, Roy opened his mouth to answer but I cut him off.

"No, thank you," I smiled at the waiter, who looked mildly surprised, nodded and left.

"Then I'll give you your bill right now."

Now I was starting to get worried – I wasn't able to buy something luxurious like this. As if he could read my thoughts, Roy chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll take the costs on myself."

Glancing at the bill that had just been placed on the table, he fetched papers and coins from his pocket and placed it on the table before getting up. "Ready to leave, miss Blaire?" he asked cockily, and I forced myself to smile back at him just as arrogant.

"Why, yes, mister Mustang. Thank you for asking."

Once we were standing outside, Roy led me to Riza's car. Riza herself was no where to be seen. Before he opened the door for me, he turned and examined my face as if he was looking at me for the first time.

"So, did you have any other plans or were you planning on going back clean and sober?" he asked seriously, much to my surprise. Then I remembered that I had declined the alcohol in the restaurant, because I wanted to show him _my_ 'world' too. It was obvious that Roy lived in this type of place, with everything that he'd ever want and all of it in top quality.

"Oh, I had a great idea. If you don't mind, will you let me drive?" I asked innocently, this time surprising Roy. He raised an eyebrow, obviously not trusting me, but he sighed and gave up when he looked into my puppy eyes.

"Fine," he opened the door to the driver's seat for me and once I sat down, he went to the passenger's seat. From the look on his face, he probably feared the worst. And I loved seeing men afraid of what I may or may not be planning.

And so I started the engine and drove down the street, following every traffic rule that had once been forced into my head through the agonizing way of studying all day. Though I hadn't been able to drive ever since I left home, it was something like walking, or swimming – it was something you'd be able to do all your life. Unless you lost a leg, went blind or something like that…

* * *

I parked the car in front of a dark building, dim light coming through the covered windows. It had an eerie feeling, as if it were a horror house on a funfair.

On the way here, an angel and a devil had been sitting on my shoulders, talking to me and fighting with each other. The devil tried to persuade me to take this chance to get away, and I already had several plans somewhere in the back of my head with a high chance to succeed. Though, naturally, the angel was against it and told me that I shouldn't use the trust Roy had placed in me for bad things.

For the first time in my life, I chose the angel's side out of my own free will.

Before I opened the door of the car, I felt Roy grab my arm, making me stop and look at him, the obvious question hanging somewhere in the air.

"If you go out like this, won't you get recognized?" those words seemed like lightning to me, striking me in the core of my heart. I could only stare at him, too surprised to hide it.

Now it was Roy's turn to look at me, his own obvious question practically shining in his eyes as I tried to press all the information that had been squashed into my head into one small conclusion, which was: Roy is very smart.

Though I hadn't told him that I may or may not be welcome around here, he had been able to figure it out all on his own. Was this whole situation _that_ predictable?

"…you're right…" I slowly agreed with him, and Roy raised an eyebrow at me. He seemed to like doing that.

"What?" I asked nervously, not liking the look in his eyes. Roy merely shook his head, which surprised me again - and _that_ surprised me too; Roy seemed to be good in surprising me – as he turned around in his seat, rummaging on the backseat and turning back towards me with a long, dark cloak in his hands.

"Put this on," he said, stating the obvious.

I thanked him softly as I managed to pull the cloak on. I wasn't sure at how this was going to help me become unrecognizable until Roy reached out towards me, making me freeze on the spot at the close contact, and pulled the hood that had been hiding over my head. Hooray! This didn't only make me unrecognizable, it also made it so that I wasn't able to see a thing!

I didn't remember saying it out loud as Roy snickered at me.

"What?!" I yelled at him, more offended this time.

Roy quickly waved his hand, trying to dismiss the question as he threw his door open and stepped out of the car, slamming it shut behind him. Before I could even turn and open my own door, he was standing there and had done so for me.

I muttered something under my breath as I stepped out as well, this time not thanking the gentlemanly action of him. After all, he was still a womanizer, _and_ the guy in charge of keeping me and sweet freedom separated. The asshole!

Roy quickened his pace until he was walking in front of me, opening the door so that I could enter. I pulled the hood a bit so that it was covering even more of my face as I stared at the floor, afraid to recognize someone, or that someone might recognize me.

Feeling Roy's fingers wrap around my wrist and softly pull me along, as if he knew how uncomfortable I was, I shunned the unwelcome feelings and followed him towards the bar where we sat down.

As Roy ordered two beers after receiving a nod from me, I carefully looked around and saw that I didn't know anybody in the bar. But it was still too early to feel safe.

A grin replaced my frown as Roy glanced around, taking in the brick wall, the wooden chairs and tables, the sofas with dirty leather and the lights that looked as if they hated every moment that they had to shine in this horrible room. A soft blues tune was floating in the air, setting the mood of a perfect bar for people who loved to brood.

The grin widened as Roy looked at me, trying to find out if this was really a place I visited frequently. And I had, though only because of Jack. For some reason, this was his favourite bar, and because he rarely let me out of his site, he took me here whenever he came.

I absently ran a finger over the wood of the bar, seeing the dents that had once been carved there were gone.

_"What did I tell you? You were supposed to bring him back **alive**. What use is some guy who is going to be buried under piles of dirt?!"_

_The poor guy who had failed his mission to bring his comrade back alive lifted his hand above his head, trying to protect himself from the raised fist that was flying towards him._

_"Jack, please stop it. It isn't his fault that Red ran off after hearing you needed to talk to him about something important. Everyone would've reacted like that," I said, trying to calm him down._

_Jack swung his arm around, abruptly forgetting poor Paul who was still sitting in the corner of the room. The normal sad blues suddenly turned into a harder tune with screaming through the horrible guitar. His fist collided with my cheek and I was flung to the side, smashing on top of a chair and into the bar. Wood splinters were flying everywhere as the chair cracked, pressing different patterns into the bar._

I looked up at the sound of the bartender placing the glasses on the table and announcing how much it'd be costing. "Anything else?"

I almost laughed at how the sound of his voice was still bored as ever. Roy shook his head and just as he was about to reach for his pocket, I quickly placed something on the counter.

The bartender – he used to call himself Zero – picked the small rectangular card up and examined it suspiciously. His eyes widened when he realized what kind of card it was exactly. He glanced at me before testing if it was a real card.

"The drinks will be on her tab," I explained, feeling weird that I was referring to myself as 'she' instead of 'me'.

"Do you know where she is?" Zero asked while lowering his voice, trying to make sure no one could hear him. I knew he thought that I might be who he thought I was. The funny part was that I actually was who he thought I was. The not so funny part was that nobody was supposed to find out who I was.

And so I tilted my head backwards, just enough so that the lower part of my face was visible. I smiled sweetly at him, surprising him enough to make him drop my ID. Because everybody, _everybody_, knew that Ellen Blaire didn't smile sweetly. One of the most important rules when around me was; _when she smiles, you're doomed._ I liked it. It made people who heard that but hadn't met me yet wish they'd never get to meet me either. And that meant peace for me!

"V-very well…" Zero muttered, placing the card back on the counter as if it were a cursed item. To him, it probably was. After all, I was known for my close relationship with Jack, one of the most feared men in the dark side of the world.

As we drank our drinks, I purposely stayed silent, trying to let the surroundings dawn upon the man sitting next to me, who was probably used to the safe and luxurious furniture and atmosphere you could find in the rich parts of the city. I wanted to show him that while he was sitting in the bright lights, having tea and small talk with people who looked at others like they themselves were God, people like me who had nowhere to go were sitting in the darkness, drinking alcohol till they passed out, robbing poor people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time or just beating the shit out of each other. There are always two sides of a coin, no matter how hard you wished life was different.

I placed my empty glass on the bar, noticing Roy mimicked my movements. He stood up immediately after, obviously expecting me to do the same, so I did. I followed him outside, not caring to glance at the barkeeper one last time.

Once we were outside, Roy took a deep breath and sighed softly, obviously much more relaxed out here.

"All right," he started, not knowing exactly what he should say. "I get what you were trying to tell me by bringing me here."

I shrugged and watched him suppress a yawn, suddenly feeling tired as well.

On the way back to the military building, while I was watching the streetlights pass by, remembering random memories, I dozed off.

It was the first peaceful dream I had in quite a few weeks.


	3. I Fought Myself and Lost

**I Fought Myself and Lost  
**_"I'd give my everything to you, follow you through the garden of oblivion."_

I guess this time the devil won the fight against the angel.

It was early in the morning; the sun hadn't even started to rise yet as I took a deep breath. After glancing at the huge building in front of me that was carrying the flag of this country one last time, I spun around and sprinted into the opposite direction as fast as I could.

While feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest, I forced myself not to think of what I was doing. I was breaking the trust that I had won by playing a good girl – safe for the fact that I hadn't said anything that those people had wanted to know – by using the very first chance that was given to me to run away.

* * *

"Colonel! Colonel!" a voice yelled at the half asleep Colonel. Roy opened his eyes, glaring at none other than Riza Hawkeye, though the glare disappeared at the look in her eyes. He could see pain. Betrayal… Maybe even a bit of fright.

"What's wrong, Hawkeye?" Roy asked, though he had a feeling he knew what had happened. It probably started with E, and ended with Blaire. Within the same second, his eyes wandered over to the couch, noticing that it was empty.

"Ellen's not here anymore," Riza stated, trying her best to hide her emotions, though Roy could understand it. She had finally started to trust Ellen, almost thinking of her as a friend, and then said woman got up and left just like that.

"Did you check the restroom?" a nod was his reply, and Roy cursed inwardly.

"And the showers, kitchen, or anywhere else she could be?" he got the same reaction as before. He clenched his fist, bitter disappointment filling him.

He thought that there had been some change. Though they hadn't gotten any information out of her, he thought that she was content with having the freedom to walk around the building on her own.

The day after their 'date', he had informed Ellen that she could move around freely inside the walls, her eyes had practically started sparkling with happiness at hearing that.

On the other hand, Roy could understand why she would've run off. After all, she was still a prisoner, and though she had retrieved a bit of freedom, prisoners always longed for more freedom and sometimes they were ready to do a lot to achieve it.

And so he stood up, ordering Riza to tell the others that they were to stay here as he left. She merely stared at his back in surprise, having noticed the angry fire that had been burning in his eyes as he passed her.

* * *

I watched the clouds, leaning against a wall next to the busy streets of Central, wondering what it was like to be one of those clouds, drifting along the wind on a steady pace, not caring about anything that might happen in the future…

My whole life had been filled with longing for the future, hoping that it was a bright one filled with happiness, laughter, luck… With each year that passed, it seemed as if that dream started to disappear from my heart, as if I had given up on it.

When I still lived with my parents, I hoped that the day I'd be free would be the day I could smile a true smile, but I ended up in the darkness – with almost nobody to trust – trying to cheer myself up by saying that with all this suffering, it wouldn't be a miracle anymore if I ended up somewhere nice. The voice inside of my mind had laughed and told me to stop the whining, suck it up and live _now._

My mouth curved into a bitter smile as I continued to stare at the clouds.

Look at me now. I was being hunted by both the dark _and_ the bright side of the world, and I didn't know which side was going to be the one to save me.

* * *

Roy looked up at the sky, noticing the clouds were starting to get bigger and darker and he knew that it wasn't going to take long until the first raindrops were going to hit the cold stones on the ground.

And the very moment Roy concluded it was going to rain, he felt a few drops of water land on his cheeks, making it look like he was crying. He grumbled something, quickly wiping the drops away with an annoyed expression.

Blinking a few times, his hand still covering half of his face, he watched a suspicious looking person leaning against a wall, looking up at the sky.

Of course, there wasn't any way to prove that this woman was Ellen – except for the fact that black hair was peaking out from under the hood that she had pulled over her head, which had an uncanny resemblance to the cloak she had been wearing on their 'date'.

It seemed as if the moment it had started to rain, about half of the people who had been walking on the street suddenly disappeared.

Roy tried to stay hidden behind some boxes that were conveniently placed on each other as he watched his target. She stood on the same spot for about two minutes before Roy gave in to the temptation to glance at the sky too. He ended up wincing slightly as he got hit by some raindrops in his eyes and he quickly looked back down, freezing on the spot as he did so.

* * *

"Damn, that was close!" I managed to whisper in between pants as I rested against a wall. I could feel my heartbeat throughout my whole body. My sudden dash away from the one who had found me wasn't the only reason why my heart was beating wildly; the main reason was probably because of the pressure of being found.

By running away, I had officially destroyed all my chances of retrieving freedom the 'easy' way. Not only that; I also had no place to return to and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do now. There were only three options right now:

1. Go back to my parents and pray that they'd somehow allow me to stay there for who knows how long.

2. Go back to Jack and hope that he'd actually manage to stay calm long enough to listen to my side of the story. Though somehow I knew that these would be my very last moments alive.

3. Return to the military and hope they'll give me a second chance.

I doubted that any of those three options was going to work. My parents probably won't like seeing me and shoo me out of the house as soon as possible; Jack would probably kill me on the spot and the military might just throw me in jail or something.

While sinking to the ground, I asked myself why I had ran away in the first place. With all those guys surrounding me in Roy's office, there was no way I'd be in danger when it came to Jack. If only I had waited a little longer, then maybe the person I was waiting for would have come and told me what I needed to hear so I could stop keeping my mouth closed.

I wrapped my arms around my legs to try and keep myself warm as I waited for something to happen – not really caring what it was going to be.

* * *

She wasn't there anymore! He had only been distracted for about two seconds, yet she had managed to get away in that exact moment!

This just proved how used she was to situations like these. Normally when noticing someone was following you, you'd try to get away immediately but that'd also blow your whole cover. Ellen knew that and acted as if nothing was going on and disappeared the moment her 'stalker' became distracted.

"Shit," Roy swore as he stepped away from his hiding place, immediately walking over to the spot where he had seen Ellen leaning against the wall.

It was on the corner of a wall that led to a path that went back to the dark maze of alleys they had found Ellen in. It was impossible for her to have gotten away by using any other route.

With a sigh, Roy cautiously entered the shadows, shunning all the hesitation in him. It was obvious this was the place where Ellen had lived for years, so it wouldn't be a surprise if she used it to her advantage. He could easily get lost here and get caught off guard, unlike Ellen.

The Colonel held his hand ready for any danger that might come towards him as he made his way through the dark path, so he could snap his fingers the very moment he sensed something was off.

* * *

I had already had enough of this. This feeling that was painfully churning inside of me, it was exactly the same feeling I had had when I was finding my way through this maze for the very first time. The only difference this time was that I knew which way I had to go.

With every step I took, the horrible pain became more and it started to make me feel as if I needed to throw up. The effects that fear could have on one's body were worse than you'd expect.

So when I felt like the breakfast I never had was going to try and force its way out, I let myself slide to the ground with my back against the wall, planning on staying here and not taking one more step in any direction. Maybe I was lucky – or unlucky? – and Roy would manage to find me before anyone else did, and give me a second chance.

I chuckled softly, laughing at my miserable state. Yeah right, like he'd give someone like me a second chance. Like anybody would give someone like me a second chance.

What a joke…

* * *

Roy looked up at the sound of a soft laugh from somewhere nearby. He looked around to determine where it had come from. A small sigh follow the chuckle and allowed him to confirm where the person he had found was. Hoping it was Ellen, he advanced towards the corner of the wall and peeked around it. Fortunately, a bit of light from outside managed to brighten up the space enough to let Roy notice a silhouette sitting on the ground.

Her breath hitched and she quickly lifted her head in his direction.

* * *

I froze on the spot as Roy stared down at me. I tried to use his surprise to my advantage as I jumped up from my spot and was about to sprint away again when his hand grabbed my cloak just in time.

_Damn, useless cape-thing. What the hell am I, the heroine of some freaky superman story or what?_ I asked myself angrily, feeling slightly betrayed by the piece of cloth that was hanging loosely around my neck.

I took a step back and directed my glare from my coat towards the man who was holding it. Said man seemed to be staring at me, again, and it really started to irritate me.

"What?!" I snapped at him while trying to free my cloak from his grasp.

Roy merely shrugged, which irritated me even more, before replying. "I'm trying to figure out how you work."

"What am I, some new game you just bought and now you're trying to find my manual?" I finally managed to free myself, but didn't make a move to run away again. Actually, I wanted to know what exactly Roy was thinking.

"When I first saw you, I thought you were just one of those street kids who'd do anything to survive. I realized that you were actually pretty smart and rather unique, and you could be trusted. Now I'm starting to doubt that as well, and I'm trying to figure out what might be coming next."

This time it was my turn to shrug. "Who knows what's going to come next. Maybe I'm all the different versions you saw in one, maybe I'm actually totally different from what you expect. Why do you care, anyway?"

When Roy stayed silent, I decided to continue my rant.

"Why did you even follow me? Why didn't you just leave me be, knowing I probably wouldn't get out of this alive? Why for someone like _me_? Someone who barely finished school, who doesn't have any talents, who would end up being nothing more than dead weight? Someone who doesn't even de-"

My eyes widened as Roy interrupted my sentence, which kind of annoyed me because I had almost finished, but then the voice in my head yelled at me to snap out of it, that he was kissing me.

It was then that I registered his move, racking my brain as to answer the question of why. I hadn't even been given enough time to react when he already pulled back, not looking me in the eye.

He simply turned his back towards me and slowly walked off, as if taunting me.

I placed a hand over my chest, feeling my heart beat slightly faster than normal. Was he playing games with me, trying to embarrass me?!

It was then that I realized why he had come all the way to find me. It didn't make any sense that he'd search me just to re-capture me; that would've been plain useless as they could just try and grab someone else, someone who might decide to give them some nice and juicy information.

He had come to let me know that they were ready to give me a second chance.

Clenching my hands into fists and feeling horrible for relying on soldiers from the military, I stood up and decided to follow the disappearing Colonel, not seeing the small smile on his face.

* * *

"Problem solved!" Roy yelled cheerfully as he barged into his office. Ignoring the stares from unfamiliar soldiers, I shuffled inside slowly and found Roy's subordinates sitting on the couches in the room.

As if some order had been given, they slowly stood up which made me feel slightly uneasy. I glanced at Roy as if asking for help, but he seemed to be busy reading through a whole pile of papers, damn him.

And then, small smiles appeared on some of their faces. Havoc, who seemed to like you most out of the group, even winked at you at which you raised a brow at and he snickered.

Breda, Fuery and Falman just stood there, not knowing what to do, seeing as you never really got to know them and then there was Riza, whose expression I couldn't quite read. It seemed like a mixture of anger and relief and it told me that my actions must have hurt her more than I had expected them to.

And before anybody could say anything, I allowed myself to do what my heart wanted to do for the first time in ages: I probably almost gave Riza a heart attack by jumping at her and squeezing the shit out of her, somehow laughing and crying at the same time.

There was something about these people and this place that seemed to soothe me and it was as if I only noticed it now, after not feeling this sensation for a short time span. Like the saying of 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'.

At that very moment, I couldn't care less that the person who I was holding was about 5 years older than me (and female) and that, technically, I was an adult, so I buried my face into Riza's jacket and let myself feel like a child in the arms of her mother.


	4. The Secret You Kept from Me

**The Secret You Kept from Me**  
_"If only I could tell you everything, the little things you'll never dare to ask me..."_

It was a little less than a whole day after what I call my 'emotional break down'. It was really going to take a whole while until Roy was going to forget it, though luckily the others forgot it immediately safter seeing my deadly glare/s. Too bad it didn't work on Roy…

I thought about the kiss he gave me when he came to take me back. We hadn't spoken about it once yet. I was far too embarrassed – and confused – to ask him why he had done it and it wouldn't surprise me if he had already forgotten about it. Though the worst part was probably that I was stuck in the same room as him, from the moment he started working early in the morning till the moment he left, and that depended on whether his work was finished or not.

Suddenly, the sound of men yelling could be heard and Roy and I looked up at the same time, cautious as to what was going to happen. As the noise grew louder, my heart started beating a tad bit faster at the possibility of who was causing all this noise.

The door opened and a familiar figure stood there, his face a bit flushed from running and his breathe coming out in puffs. I had guessed right!

"Sky!" I yelled, leaping off the couch, only to end up staring at the boy in disbelief. Somehow I felt relieved that his sky blue eyes were still exactly the same as before, and that he still hadn't touched a comb to keep his hair tamed.

Sky smiled at me before letting himself fall onto the couch, complaining about how tired he was. After he finished his rant, he switched over to other random subjects and he told me various different stories in all the colours of the rainbow with his eyes sparkling excitedly.

Roy cleared his throat. "And who might this be?"

He was obviously irritated about the fact that he was being left out. I glared at him, waving my hand in a dismissive manner that was supposed to tell him 'Shut the hell up, will you!'

But I had to admit that he reminded me of what I really needed to know from Sky; the reason why he was here in the first place.

"Well, do you have any information?" I interrupted him while sitting back down. The sparkles in his eyes disappeared immediately and both his feet were back on the ground again as he shifted into a more comfortable spot.

The suddenly serious look in his eyes was already enough for me, but I thought that Roy could use some kindness from me so I let Sky say it out loud.

"It's no good. We've gotten the order to kill you on sight."

I wondered why it felt like my heart stopped beating for a moment, despite already knowing this before he had actually said it.

"Wha-?!" Roy exclaimed in surprise, dropping the pen he had been playing with.

I knew he wanted to add something to his exclamation, but I decided to say what I had to say before he got the chance.

"Alright then, Colonel Roy Mustang. I guess I'll be able to tell you everything you want to know from now on."

Silence filled the room and as I waited for Roy's response, I turned around so that I was facing him.

A sigh escaped his lips before he replied. "Well then, why don't you start immediately?"

I turned around again for a moment to stare into the sceptical eyes of Sky, who obviously doubted what I was planning to do. I merely nodded at him, hoping he'd trust me on this one. I had already promised myself that the moment that I'd find out Jack was throwing me away would be the moment that I'd tell Roy everything I knew.

"I… don't really know what information would be useful for you, so I guess I'll just tell you _everything_. Is that okay with you?" I turned back towards the Colonel just in time to see him nod. I was slightly surprised at his serious expression but started my story anyway.

"I did everything my parents told me to do. My parents were proud of me and boasted about me to everybody they knew. But then I met Jack… At first he wanted to kill me, and so I defended myself, though I hadn't been taught how to do so. He told me I had talent and that he liked me, so he took me off to show me the other side of life."

I smiled slightly at the memory of his face that was still young and innocent back then.

"And he kept coming back, showing me a different side of the world, one that seemed so much more fun. When my parents found out about my relationship with Jack, they forbade me to have contact with him and that's when I started rebelling and went out with him anyway. One night, they told me I wasn't allowed to leave my room for a whole week and so I ran away. Jack taught me how to use daggers to defend myself. He was so proud of me every time I won in a competition where you had to hit a target with a dagger. You remember those, right, Sky?"

Feeling cold all of a sudden, I tightly wrapped my arms around myself. Biting my lower lip, I forced myself to not release any tears.

"I can't tell you… where his base is… He changes it every week or so…" By now I could I could taste blood and I felt my whole body start to quiver.

"…he's going to kill me…"

Arms were wrapped around my trembling frame, pulling me close to a warm, strong body. I expected it to be Sky, but when I opened my eyes I noticed a blue military uniform was there.

"He's not going to kill you," Roy mumbled and I looked up at him in surprise. A small smile appeared on his face and I realized it was just like when he kissed me – he wasn't mocking me, or treating me like I was some woman he had managed to womanize… "I'll make sure he doesn't do that."

Roy let go of me and took a step back while examining my face and probably making the conclusion that he had managed to calm me down slightly.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Roy asked me and I blinked in surprise.

That's right… Now that I told the military all I knew, I was of no use anymore and I had betrayed Jack at the same time. Then Roy had only given me a second chance to get to know all this anyway? Though I didn't know the Colonel very well yet, it didn't seem like something he'd do.

"I want to help you with your case to capture Jack," I replied after a few moments of silence and Roy smirked at my sudden determination.

"Ellie, are you sure?" Sky asked, using my old nickname. I looked back at him and nodded my head once more, my glance not leaving any room for an objection.

_"He already crossed the line a while ago,"_ could also be read in my eyes, but I wasn't sure if he actually got that part.

"What are you going to do now? You can't go back anymore and I don't think you can go back to your family just yet. Jack might find them," I mused, forcefully pulling myself out of my super-serious-mood and into my normal-serious-mood.

"What do you mean with 'find them'?" Roy forced himself back into the conversation, receiving our attention and I secretly wondered how many times I had already forgotten about him in the same hour.

"As you probably would have guessed, Sky isn't my real name. I left my family's house and joined Jack's group for personal reasons and pretended that I didn't know my name anymore so Ellie was the one to start calling me Sky. Ellie is the only one who knows my real name, because if others would know, they might find my family and use them as hostages," Sky explained. You had to be blind to not know the reason why I had given him the name Sky; his eyes were blue as the sky after all.

After seeing that Roy understood his answer, he turned his back at said man to face me.

"I've already got a place to hide. I've been planning hard for this day, you know!" he grinned cheerfully, causing the mood to brighten.

I nodded again, though not fully convinced. Wasn't there a better way to keep him safe? A look at the Colonel was enough to see that he didn't even like it that Sky was sitting on his couch without him knowing who he really was.

And then a thought shot through my mind, making me straighten my back immediately.

"By the way, Roy, I want you to know that I have never stolen from anyone, killed anyone, or hurt someone on purpose."

"'On purpose'?" Roy raised his eyebrow in suspicion. "You mean, you do hurt people accidentally?"

His last sentence contained some mild humour, making me glare at him.

"No, you idiot. There's something called self-defence out there."

Roy was just about to shoot something back, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

A head peeked into the room, golden eyes and blond hair looking around curiously.

"Ah, if it isn't the Fullmetal Alchemist." The name rang a bell somewhere in my mind; wasn't he that kid who passed the State Alchemist test at 12, who was now being called a hero among citizens?

"Ellen and… Sky, was it? Would you please leave us for a moment?"

Sky and I stared at the Colonel, both wondering if he suffered from mood swings like this a lot. A moment ago he had seemed at least half-serious, but now he had added a playful tone to his voice.

Roy made a movement with his hands like I had done to him earlier, but this time its message was probably something like 'Shoo, shoo, get lost'.

And so we did, Sky leaving the room first. As I met the Fullmetal Alchemist on my way out, I stared down at him, despite him only being only a few centimetres smaller. I had also heard that he was sensitive about his height, and who was I to let the chance to test it pass?

Veins appeared in his face as he glared at me.

"Are you implying that I'm small?" he threatened and I knew I had indeed hit something.

"Oh, I'm not _implying_ that you're small," I grinned at him and his eyes narrowed slightly as he waited for me to finish my statement. "I can actually _prove_ that you're small."

BOOM!

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT A MUSHROOM WOULD SEEM LIKE A TREE TO HIM?!"

I burst out into laughter as I ran off, whirling around the practically exploded Alchemist… and what seemed to be a moving suit of armour. I didn't take my time to examine it as I escaped; noticing the suit of armour was calling the gnome 'brother'. He was also restraining said gnome so that he couldn't follow and strangle me.

"Still as evil as ever…" Sky's voice almost made me jump.

"Didn't your parents ever teach you not to pick on people who are smaller than you?" he chuckled, putting the accent on 'smaller'.

"I'm sorry to say, but my parents haven't taught me things that could actually be useful for me," I joked, ignoring the concerned frown that appeared on Sky's face.

* * *

Still fuming, Edward Elric, also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, sat down on the couch. His **younger** brother, Alphonse Elric, decided to stand instead.

"So, why'd you call us back here? Is there already a new mission or what?" Edward asked after calming down.

Roy somehow shook and nodded his head at the same time.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward snapped and Roy smirked at his attitude.

"There isn't a mission right now, but I must tell you that you have to stay here, because there actually is one on its way for you. But since you can't leave, I decided to give you a small mission while you wait for your next one."

Roy's smirk turned into a smile as if he were proud of himself to have thought up this idea.

"Well then, what's this 'small mission' you're talking about?"

Roy nodded toward the door. "You know that woman who just left?"

Edward's face darkened slightly but he nodded. "I want you to watch over her."

Edward and Alphonse almost fell over in surprise.

"What?!" Edward yelled, slamming his fists down on the table that stood between the two couches. "You want us to… baby-sit some woman who's like… a decade older than us?!"

Roy grinned at their reaction before putting on a serious face. "You can't know since you just… met her," he was slightly reluctant to use the word 'met', as it was quite a weird meeting, "But there's something weird about her."

This spiked Edward's attention, questions appearing in his eyes.

"Just like a lot of us, she's never really had a childhood. The difference between us and her is that we just matured and lived on without having memories of a pleasurable childhood, but she… She's stuck around the same age as you are, yet her body is twenty-four years old." Roy's serious expression turned into a pained one as he tried his best to explain it.

Alphonse made a surprised noise while Edward just rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, something like that. I think you'd understand it best if you just spend some time with her," Roy added before explaining they were just to take her with them to do whatever they had planned until he called them back. After that, he dismissed them.

"Be careful!" Roy yelled just before the door closed.

Roy sighed as he leaned backwards in his chair before standing up. It was time to go out on a date!

* * *

"Excuse me…" a small voice said and I turned around in the chair I was currently sitting in. Roy's subordinates continued to work, not paying any attention to the suit of armour that had just entered the room.

"Ah, you're that… guy from before," I mused as I eyed the rather large boy. He seemed to be a pretty bad ass guy in that suit of armour, yet his voice seemed like that of a small boy. I narrowed my eyes at him, making a mental note to try and take a look at his face later.

"I'm Alphonse, and my brother outside is Edward. The Colonel told us we could take you out and keep you company."

* * *

After waiting for Edward for what seemed ages, we finally went on out into the city. Though it seemed as if a whole day had passed, it actually was about one o'clock.

Despite already having seen everything in this city, I was surprised at how different one could view buildings depending on the people who were with you at that moment.

I rarely came outside by daylight, and if I did so anyway I would try to keep it as short as possible and without any time to go on a tour through the streets.

Edward and Alphonse seemed pretty interested in the various monuments that could be seen, and I was proud of myself whenever I could tell them a little about some parts of the city.

We also stopped by all different kinds of shops – mainly book stores, some jewellery shops with Edward mumbling something about buying presents for some of their friends, which reminded me that it was November, almost Christmas.

By the time it was almost evening, we had had dinner in some random café that we had happened to be standing next to when we decided to eat something. The brothers had paid for my meal, adding to my debt of 'meal-money'.

We were now walking towards the last place the brothers wanted to go to. It was a small fountain of water near the centre of the city. There was a rumour that said that if you wrote a wish on a piece of paper while standing next to the fountain and then dipping it into the water, it might come true.

Much to my surprise, Edward and I got along quite well. We had a few things in common; mainly the stubbornness. I wasn't too sure how Alphonse was yet. He seemed to be pretty kind-hearted and patient, practically the opposite of his older brother. Because of his armour, most people treated him like a grown up, but he didn't seem to like that. It must mean that he wasn't willingly wearing it, right?

Edward 'ooh'd at the site of the fountain, rushing over to it and staring at the patterns in the stones. I wasn't too sure about it, but I thought there were supposed to be some fish in it too.

"I think I'm going to test the rumour!" I declared, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen out of nowhere.

After scribbling something down I pushed the paper in Edward's direction, handing him the pen too. "You wanna try it too?"

_Have you noticed our shy friend yet?_ Edward blinked in surprise, having thought he was the only one who had noticed that we were being followed.

_Yes, I did._ He shoved the paper and pen towards Alphonse. "Why don't you write something as well?"

"Ah! I've got another wish!" I reached out and grabbed the pen back once Alphonse was finished, then the piece of paper that now had a few drops of water on it from the fountain.

_What do we do?_ Apparently Alphonse had noticed too.

I finished my second 'wish' and then let the others read it. "This okay with you guys?"

_Let's ignore him until he decides to introduce himself._

"I think it's about time we went back," Edward stated while watching me dip the piece of paper into the water. The ink seemed to leak from the words it had formed, making them unreadable.

A sudden gust of wind ripped it from my grasp, pulling it along into the sky, the three of us watching after it.

"That's weird… There hasn't been any wind all day and now suddenly…" Alphonse trailed off as he noticed I was already walking on.

I smiled slightly at his statement. Science would never be able to explain every single thing in the world, no matter how hard people try to. Sometimes it was just best to enjoy moments without trying to analyse them.

* * *

By the time we had reached our destination, it was pretty dark outside. Walking through a dark passage, I realized that if our followers saw me enter the building towards which we were walking, they might tell Jack and he'd think of some plan to get me.

"Ed… Al… Will you go ahead?" I asked them. They stopped for a moment before Edward understood what I was planning on doing. I saw him mouth the words 'be careful' and I nodded at him before shooing them off.

The very moment the brothers were out of sight, I heard something shift behind me. Within the same second, I grabbed a metal pipe that was lying on a wooden box. I twisted my body and kicked against the box. Dust and splinters from the wood flew in the direction of the sound, followed by someone coughing.

While jumping in the direction of the sound, I pressed the pipe against the wall to sharpen the ends so that it was capable of piercing flesh. Seeing a figure appear in the dust, I thrust the pipe forward. Just as I expected, it hit something soft and a small amount of blood splattered on my face.

Not planning on going down with a fight, the guy pulled out a small knife and slashed it at my cheek. I could feel the blood from the fresh wound slide over my skin but ignored it as I pushed the pipe further into his arm, making him yell in pain.

"I won't kill you," I stated before standing up. "I don't care what you do; if you stay here and die it won't be my fault. If you go back to whoever sent you, please tell him that if he wants me, he's going to have to find a different way. And do add that I'm not going to sit around waiting for my death, either."

I whirled around and ran off towards the light at the end of the narrow path, leaving the stranger stare at my back in fright and relief at the same time.


	5. Drift Along this River of Sadness

**Tomorrow's Dream**  
_"Guess you found what you'd think would oblige me…"_

"What happened to you?" Riza asked as she entered the Colonel's office, the Colonel himself not having arrived at work yet. I ran a finger over the spot where Riza was staring at, feeling a crust and dried blood.

"Oh, I knew I had forgotten something yesterday!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands once while nodding my head. Edward had noticed it yesterday when I came back in and made me promise I would stick a plaster on it, but I forgot it anyway.

Riza sweat dropped and shook her head with a frown. Then she went off, returning a few moments later with a first-aid kit. I blinked in surprise.

"Why did you bring the whole thing with you? It's just a scratch, a plaster would've been okay, too…" Riza shook her head again in response.

"You must treat all wounds as equals," she stated.

"Eh? You mean, wounds have feelings too?"

Riza sweat dropped _again_ at my childish behaviour, but she wasn't sure if I was being serious or not. Then she just laughed as she started to clean the small wound and the area around it. "No, but even a small scratch like this can be very dangerous. If you don't take care of it, it might get infected and then it would've been much more than just a scratch."

I hissed in pain as she dabbed a piece of cloth with some liquid on it that stung horribly against the tiny wound. It seemed as if Riza was so used to this, seeing comrades make pained faces while getting their injuries fixed because she didn't even bat an eyelash, or ask if I was okay.

My eyes flickered towards the door, where a certain pervert was leaning against the wall with an amused look on his face. Well, thinking about it that way, Riza _was_ sitting in a rather… weird position. Her butt was in a great place to receive dirty glances from perverts like this one.

"Now that you've finally arrived at work, it would be nice if you actually started working too," Riza sourly shot the order towards said pervert who pouted as he made his way over to his desk. His gaze saddened even more as he looked down at the pile of papers.

Maybe he should just burn them. Yes, that way there'd be no proof of the fact that he was supposed to be doing work. The only problem would be… there were witnesses. One particularly bothersome witness. Roy glanced over his shoulder towards Riza, various plans starting to bubble up inside of his mind.

"Don't you dare think about it," was Riza's warning as she pressed a plaster against my freshly cleaned skin. When I turned around to see what Roy was up to, he noticed for the first time that day that I was 'wounded'.

"What happened?" he asked as he walked around his desk so that he could sit in his chair where his loyal cup of coffee was waiting just for him. He was probably asking the question so that he could win some time to spend on something other than work.

I shrugged slightly as I watched Riza get up and leave the room, who was content with the fact that Roy was actually sitting behind his desk. "Oh, just some trash I got rid of yesterday."

He frowned at that, but didn't ask any further questions and just continued to drink his coffee. When he was finished, he set his cup down with a sigh before opening his mouth to resume the conversation, but the sound of a phone ringing stopped him.

Slightly annoyed, he grabbed the horn and held it against his ear.

"What is it?" His irritation was pretty evident in his voice, though it didn't stop the caller from blurting out the news he had as fast as possible.

I stared at Roy's reaction at whatever he had just been told. His face looked slightly pale as his eyes stood wide. "What did you just say?"

After about half a minute of silence, he said, "Yes, we'll be there in just a minute."

Then he dropped the horn back where it belonged and abruptly stood up and marched over towards the door, taking it for granted that I would follow him.

"Wait – what's wrong? What happened?" I yelled as I left my seat on the couch and ran after him. When I didn't get an answer, I grabbed his arm and turned him around to glare at him.

"I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's going on," I growled in frustration.

Right then, Sky rounded the corner and stopped in surprise, wondering if he was interrupting something.

"Ellen," Roy took a deep breath once he was sure he had regained my undivided attention. "One of my men just called from the hospital… Your mother has been attacked and the doctors are trying their best to help her, but there's no way to be sure she's going to survive."

The last words he spoke were enough to make my blood freeze inside of me and everything started to spin as the floor seemed to get closer, though my body never met it. I heard Sky curse as somebody wrapped their arm around my shoulder so that they could drag me away – probably to the hospital.

The hospital where my mother was dying.

* * *

I woke up to the impact of being set down onto something and shot up, trying to remember when I had actually fallen asleep. In one huge wave, the cause of my blackout washed over me, but it was as if I had been expecting it so it didn't affect me as bad as it had last time.

"You okay now?" Sky's voice asked. I nodded and looked up to stare right into his worried gaze.

"I'm sorry. Of all the times to pass out…" I muttered as I ran a hand through my hair. Sky chuckled softly and shook his head to dismiss my embarrassment.

I looked around and spotted Roy standing in front of a door while talking to a doctor. Havoc and Breda were standing behind him. As Havoc saw I had opened my eyes, he smiled at me, as if trying to tell me everything was going to be all right.

Yeah, right. Like anyone would actually believe that after hearing their mother was on the verge of death.

It seemed as if Roy was finished talking since the doctor turned around and opened the door to the room they had been standing in front of. Roy waved at me, trying to get me to walk over to him, so I did.

Entering the room, the first thing I noticed was that the cliché 'smell of medicine stinging your noise' was a complete lie. Or maybe I had a horrible sense of smelling. The second thing I noticed was the beeping from various machines showing the state of my mother's heart. The third thing was my father, sitting on the chair next to my mother's bed.

His gaze rested on me and it was clear he didn't know what he should be thinking or feeling. I was sure half of him was yearning to hug me and tell me how much he had missed me, while the other half was blaming me for my mother's state. I could understand both wants.

"May I?" I asked as I gestured towards the bed, hearing my own voice tremble but ignored it.

I didn't receive a response from my father as he looked back towards his wife, so I examined him as I took another step towards the bed. I suddenly saw how old he looked.

Was that because of the years I hadn't been home, or because of how his life seemed to be falling apart right in front of him? I couldn't blame him for the latter.

He had been living for like 20 years thinking he had the perfect family. He had a lovely wife and a great daughter, when all of a sudden some boy comes strolling along and takes his daughter away, turning her into a delinquent. And then, his wife ends up hanging on the thin string between life and death even though it wasn't her time yet.

We both looked up at the twitch of my mother's finger, followed by her hand going up, reaching for me as she mouthed my name.

I had totally forgotten that Roy was standing behind me, though he reminded me of his presence by nudging me in the direction of the bed. I did as he silently told me to do, my hands gripping the sheets once I stopped in front of my mother. She opened her eyes and looked at me, somehow forcing me to move towards the chair on the opposite side of my father's.

Her hand held mine in a surprisingly strong grip, as if she was planning on not letting me go again. Regret was obvious in her eyes, tears slowly sliding down her face. The tension in the air was enough to make a few tears of my own escape my eyes as I kneaded her hand.

All the while, Roy was watching me as I had a silent conversation with my mother. You'd be surprised by how many things one could understand about someone else when holding their hand.

"I'm sorry," was all I whispered, and I repeated those two heavy words over and over again, not noticing how Roy and my father reluctantly left the room to leave me and my mother alone.

My mother's other hand reached up and wiped my tears away with that smile on her face. It was the smile she had always given me when I was younger; to tell me she wasn't upset with me and that everything would be okay. Like when I fell down the stairs and scraped my knee, or when my pet hamster suddenly disappeared. Yet this time, instead of reassuring me, it broke my heart.

"Don't worry, you're going to live. And when you recover and all this is over, I'll come back home and we can all continue like nothing happened and…" before I could continue my rambling, my mother interrupted me.

"I'm… glad to see… you're okay…" she mumbled and pulled my hand closer to her lips to place a kiss on it. And then, just like in all those horrible films and books, my eyes widened as her grip slackened, until it slid from my own grasp and onto the bed.

Despite how I always acted like I didn't care about my parents, in truth, they were actually neatly folded on top of the stack of my most loved… 'belongings'. And just now, one of my most loved belongings had been ripped away from my stack without warning and I knew who had done it.

I also knew he wouldn't stop with only one. He'd come back and steal every single item from the pile until there was nothing left but a lonely me, weak and fragile. It'd be easier than stealing some plush from a kid, finishing me off like that.

The thought wasn't even finished with being processed when the next thought hit me like lightning.

Jumping up, I dashed out of the room, forgetting about the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Where's my father?!" I screamed, panicking at the lack of my father's presence in the hall. Roy stepped forward and looked like he was about to try and comfort me and ask me what happened when Sky answered.

"He went out."

Yeah, well, you can already guess the look on my face when some random person came sprinting through the door, yelling about some man lying on the pavement, covered in blood. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it made me wonder exactly how long I had been with my mother if it had given Jack enough time to take out my father as well.

I pressed my hands against my face and slid down to my knees, earning me a few confused glances from those who still hadn't figured it out.

Roy wasn't one of them, squatting down next to me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders.

"I know this might not be the best time to ask, but do you know if this could give us clues to Jack's location, if it really is him?"

"MUSTANG!" Sky roared, grabbing the man by the collar and pressing him against a wall while bearing his teeth like a wild animal. Roy didn't seem very impressed by all this. "How can you ask-?"

"He only attacks people who are threatening him by coming too close to where his camp is. The range between being too close and not depends on his mood, so I think my mother wasn't too close because of her… being my mother." My voice cracked at the thought of this actually being my fault.

"What about your father?" Roy managed to free himself from Sky, who seemed a bit disappointed that he couldn't give the Colonel a good punch to the stomach.

I shrugged and hugged my knees to my chest, burying my face between them. I didn't feel like doing anything anymore, didn't care what was going to happen. I had just lost my parents, what were you going to expect?

Roy bent down once more, his breath tickling my ear as he whispered words that almost had me crying again, though I wasn't sure if I'd be crying happy or sad tears.

"Don't worry. I'm going to avenge your parents for you."


	6. Come Bite the Apple

**Come Bite the Apple  
**_"Morning dew on the field, where I met you.  
I was frozen a year, couldn't get through."_

As much as I felt like sitting in a corner and mope the rest of my life away, I knew I couldn't. There was one small thing I hadn't told Roy. Okay, maybe not so small. This was all a threat, a challenge. Jack was daring me to show myself to him. With my mind not functioning properly, I decided that I'd give him what he expected least; he knew I was a coward.

"I'm going out for some fresh air," I muttered as I stood up without looking in anybody's eyes. I merely shook my head at Sky, who made an attempt at following me. Roy didn't like any of this and quickly glanced at one of his subordinates, giving him a silent mission.

As I finished walking down the whole flight of stairs, I bumped into one of the unfamiliar soldiers that didn't seem to be part of Roy's group. Muttering an apology, I continued to stride towards the exit of the hospital, clutching the gun to my stomach as I did so to hide it from the sight of others.

Once I was standing outside, I started to look around and try to find the spot that Jack had chosen. Spotting a warehouse that didn't look like it was being used, a sad smile appeared on my face as I made my way towards it.

My mind was blank as I walked towards the building, making the trip seem like it took mere seconds though in reality a few minutes had passed by the time I reached my destination.

Looking around to make sure no one was looking, I opened the door and was slightly surprised at how easy the door swung open. It really just confirmed my suspicions of Jack being here. The thought of being in the same room with him made my heart race wildly for more than one reason. After all, he was trying to kill me… Plus, I was still in love with him, no matter how much I wanted to deny it.

But that's why I had to kill him. He wasn't _my_ Jack anymore. The real Jack was long gone, his soul replaced by that of an evil, sadistic asshole. It pained me to see something like that controlling the body of the one I used to love so much, and still love.

I was in the process of closing the door behind me when I suddenly heard a chuckle, making me freeze on the spot. That sound, I could recognize it in a room filled with a thousand people, all chattering and being noisy. I hated the butterflies that fluttered around in my stomach after hearing his laugh and totally forgot to close the door as well.

Despite him not being the man he used to be, he still had total control over me and my body. No matter how strong I would become, I'd always stay weak when in his company and I hated myself for it.

I cautiously walked over to what seemed to be the centre of the room while looking around. You could never know what to expect from this guy; he might just as well jump down from somewhere and kill you when you're least aware of it. He might make it a painful death; he might make it a quick one.

This time he apparently wanted to play fair and square, which added even more to my surprise. Or maybe he was so confident that these were going to be my last moments.

Standing about six metres in front of me, he smiled and flashed his not-so-white teeth at me, almost like he was trying to seduce me. My eye twitched in annoyance and I directed my gaze at the floor so I wouldn't have to look at his face.

The weirdest thing of this whole situation was probably that I knew him so well; I knew all of his weaknesses, knew him inside-out, through and through, however you want to put it, yet I also knew that I had no chance whatsoever to win against him.

Hearing him take a step towards me – about five and a half metres left – I quickly looked back up and felt the blood drain from my face as I saw the object he held in his hand. The knife reflected the light of the sun, making a funny-shaped blob of light appear on the floor. But now wasn't the time to be observing all these random details.

Another fifty centimetres were pulled from the distance between the two of us and I couldn't help but feel a bit frightened. He actually seemed to sense that and his smile turned into a smirk, killing all the butterflies that had been dancing around inside of me up till now.

"What do you want from me?!" I screamed at him as he was about to take another step in my direction. His smirk disappeared and he furrowed his brows instead to glare at me. Somehow it gave me the feeling that I was really fucked right now.

"You know what happens to traitors," he replied in a calm voice which completely contradicted his dangerous stare he was giving me. "Getting caught by the military? _You_? Oh, come on! We all know you did it on purpose."

I gaped at him, feeling like someone had betrayed _me_ all of a sudden. Me? Betraying them? I'd never dream of it!

"It wasn't my fault! It – I – you, you were mad at me! Don't you remember?! Y-you started kicking me and… And I couldn't move any faster and they caught me!" I yelled, angry and sad at the same time. I felt tears starting to gather in my eyes but wouldn't allow them to flow. Not now. Not in front of him.

"So now you're saying it's my fault?" Jack seemed to be seething by now. He managed to calm himself down before he completely exploded and muttered, "I should've killed you right away."

Oh, the glorious memories that statement reminded me of. He had said it so many times that I had already lost count. In the beginning, it always hurt me and I'd burst out in tears after hearing it, but once I got used to it I practically didn't even hear it anymore.

This time, however, it felt like he was plunging that dagger of his right through my poor heart.

"I have to admit, I would've taken you back if you had returned. But then you had to go and kiss that prick-Colonel, you damn whore!"

This time it was like my blood was draining from my whole body. He had seen that? But… how?! Nobody had been nearby – I had made sure of that. Did he have eyes in the _walls_?

"Yes, I saw you. Well, maybe not I myself, but I know it. There's no way you can deny it, I won't believe you anyway. And don't go spewing petty excuses like 'he was the one who kissed me' or shit, because you could've pushed him away if you wanted to. _If_ you wanted to. But apparently your love for me and the rest of your family isn't strong enough to decline the affection of some stranger."

Him calling our – err, his group my 'family' made me surprisingly angry. Since when was he the one to choose who I loved, who I hated and who I considered my family?

Anger was replaced by fear once more as I saw him flick his knife – something he always did when he was getting ready for attack. No. No! I wasn't ready for this yet. His grin didn't reappear like I had expected. Instead, he kept a serious face and stepped even closer.

I could actually feel the sweat gather on my forehead and the tears that were still glossing my eyes weren't helping one bit. Instinctively, I pulled out the gun I had stolen from the soldier I had 'bumped' into and aimed it at Jack. While holding the gun up, the trembling of my arm became pretty obvious, even to the man who was standing at a distance of about four metres. He didn't feel threatened by it, his features actually pretty calm for someone who was getting ready to kill someone.

"S-stop!" I stuttered and my eyes widened as he came closer. I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. His face almost seemed relaxed and calm; his slight frown depicted a bit of seriousness; but his eyes… They were empty.

"Don't come any closer!" I warned him. But seriously, who'd listen to someone shouting with a shaking voice? That's right. Nobody! Not even when that someone was holding a gun, and not even holding it properly at that.

So, if pointing a gun at your enemy who used to be your boyfriend doesn't work, what do you do next?

I hoped that he still had _some_ feelings for me and did the most stupid thing that existed; I threatened _myself_ in the hopes of threatening my _enemy_ with it, all at the same time. It wasn't like I had got anything to lose.

Except for my life, maybe.

Tears slid down my cheek and Jack actually did stop for a moment, his eyes widening a mere fraction, but they widened nonetheless. That meant that he was surprised, so my actions had had at least s_ome_ effect.

The gun pressed against my temple, I suddenly noticed how much I was actually trembling.

The smile that suddenly lit up Jack's face sickened me. Was he happy I was planning on killing myself if he didn't do what I wanted him to do? Was he taking this as 'Oh, she's going to kill herself so I don't have to do the nasty job myself and get my hands dirty'? That bastard…!

"I dare you to pull the trigger," he challenged me. "You're a coward. Always been one. You wouldn't have been able to kill someone even if your life depended on it."

Yes, that's true. I was probably one of the most coward humans ever born. Was I really that obvious? But hey, so what! Everyone had their goods and bads. I was a coward, Jack was a sadist. Roy liked flirting too much, Havoc was a smoker, Breda was afraid of dogs… Fuery was a bit of a push-over, Edward was small and Alphonse was a suit of armour… We were humans. Humans had weaknesses. Wait, was I seriously ranting on about weaknesses here?

"I'll do it!" I cried and tightened my grip on the gun, pulling the trigger back a bit. Not enough to actually shoot, but enough to show him that I was serious about all this. Jack didn't seem too impressed by this and merely continued his calm walk towards me.

"Weren't you listening to me?! If you come any closer, you won't be able to fulfil your wish of killing me myself!"

Whatever I was going to say, I knew it wasn't going to work. He seemed rather confident in his theory that I was too much of a coward to pull the trigger all the way.

He lifted the knife and flicked it once more while shuffling with his feet. I had seen him do this a thousand times; it was like a tiger getting ready to pounce its pray. And it was pretty obvious who the tiger was, and who the pray was here.

And on the spur of the moment, I screamed and did the thing everyone had least expected.

The deafening sound of an explosion filled the air, narrowly followed by a gunshot and a cloud of dust appeared out of nowhere.


	7. I'll Coil Around Your Heart

**I'll Coil Around Your Heart  
**_"Do you really know me? I might be a God.  
Show me that you care and have a cry."_

Sky's eyes were boring into my own half-lidded ones as I tried my best to keep them open. I couldn't feel my left shoulder and had trouble remembering why I was lying in a white bed, captured between four white walls with a far too clean smell drifting through the air, annoying my nose. Was it just me, or had I said something like that before?

Sky's mouth started to move, but for some reason I had yet to hear his voice properly. It sounded as if he were talking to me through a thick glass; the view was perfect but the sound muffled and dull. A frown started to detract the beauty of his eyes once he realized he wasn't going to get the wanted reaction from me.

I closed my eyes for a moment, missing the worried glance Sky sent someone sitting on the other side of my bed, which was why I was slightly surprised at the new face blocking the view of the white ceiling. A woman, this time. Her voice seemed so much clearer than Sky's and I suddenly remembered that she was Riza.

I blinked once and replied.

"Where am I?"

The nonexistent wall of glass shattered and the sound that wasn't really there screamed in my ears. My reflexes forced me to lift my hands to my ears and I squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring the fact that my left hand hadn't moved and only my right ear was being covered.

"What's wrong?" Sky's voice yelled and I opened my eyes in a daze, confused as to what had happened just now. Sky repeated his question so I shook my head, indicating that I didn't know. He let out an exhausted sigh and I suddenly noticed the small circles under his eyes. How long exactly had I been out?

"Thank god you're awake… You've been asleep for three days now! The guys haven't slept a wink at all. Neither have I, actually," Riza clarified one of the many questions that were floating through my mind. One down, many to go, slowly but surely…

I merely frowned a bit at her, feeling a little indignant that they would be so worried about me. It wasn't like I was some kid who needed someone to keep an eye on her twenty four seven, seriously. But still a tiny part my heart accepted Riza's concern happily, as if it was trying to tell me that I indeed _was_ a small kid who needed protection all the time.

A patch of black hair appeared in the corner of my eye and I turned my head towards it for a better view of who it was. And there was Roy Mustang, glaring at the door, pointedly avoiding my gaze. For some reason, I felt myself being swallowed by embarrassment as I realized what I had tried to do.

I had tried to commit suicide. Hadn't that always been the last thought of dying for me? Hadn't I always looked down on people who were thinking about 'freeing themselves from this horrible place'? And yet here I was, somehow alive after trying to attempt do something I had thought so lowly of.

"Sky, Riza, could you please leave?" Were the words that signalled the beginning of a silent period, even after the two of them were gone. Roy didn't move from his stiff position and wasn't planning on doing so anytime soon and I couldn't help but think that this was what people called 'the calm before the storm'. Despite not wanting to engage this storm, I decided to break the silence.

"I'm sorry."

Roy's body stiffened even more, but there was slight improvement; he slowly turned his head in my direction. But as I saw his expression, I could swear my heart stopped beating for a few moments. Disappointment and anger were visible in his dark orbs and it felt like they were sucking the life out of me. Not a nice feeling when you're still half asleep and can't sense one of your arms.

"What were you _thinking_?"

His voice was calm, but I could sense the venom hiding beneath his words. "Did you really believe that you could have stopped him in the state you were back then? If Havoc hadn't followed you, you would've died."

I didn't know what to say, realizing that whatever I'd say would only make everything worse. Thinking back, I couldn't remember why I had actually thought it would be a good idea to respond to Jack's threat. I had been feeling miserable and desperate after losing my parents, there was no way I could've done anything useful.

"I thought you were stronger than that. Stronger than the thought of releasing yourself from this damned world," once he finished what he wanted to say, he turned away again, this time leaning backwards in his chair.

"What do you know about all this?!" I wanted to scream it as loud as I could, but it came out as a tiny whisper, barely noticeable. A shadow seemed to fall over Roy's face and I realized that I was treading on dangerous ground. Come to think of it, I actually didn't even care right now.

He was contemplating something, I could tell by the way his eyes were shifting wildly and his mouth kept on forming words, but they never seemed to leave his throat, like a silent message for the deaf.

I suddenly felt like I was going to fall asleep any minute now, but Roy's voice forced me back into consciousness.

"Because I tried it once long ago when I was still weak and had yet to form my motivation for the war I was stuck in."

War? Roy Mustang? The Flame Alchemist? Hero of Ishval?

_"I thought you were a hero. Since when do heroes fear death?"_

As if I actually had some blood properly flowing through my veins, it decided to freeze. Was it just me, or was that happening far too often lately?

Selfish, so selfish! How selfish could one be? Was I the epitome of selfishness? Thinking about none other than my own suffering, I had totally forgotten about how other people had their own problems as well, their own fears, their own nightmares, their own weaknesses…

While I had been fighting a war against hunger and death, this guy here had been fighting a war against a race that was being discriminated without any valid reason.

A picture appeared in front of my eyes, an unfamiliar image I had never seen before, conjured by my fantasy of what Roy must have suffered. So much blood, dead bodies littered everywhere, fire, people screaming…

The sound of a child crying somehow managed to force itself into my brain and I shot up from my position of lying on the bed, tears flowing down my face. Before I could start feeling ashamed, I launched myself at the poor guy who was having a heart attack right now after seeing me cry.

"I'm sorry! S-so sorry! I wanted- I didn't- I-" Roy interrupted me by pressing my face into his chest, his hand releasing the back of my head to stroke my hair once he was sure I had stopped trying to escape his touch. That's how we sat for the next few minutes; my right arm clinging to none other than the Flame Alchemist with Roy's wrapped around me while he continued to pet my head.

"I didn't mean to ask you something cold like that…" I sniffed, today's second wave of embarrassment causing my cheeks to turn bright red. Luckily my face was still being kind of squashed against Roy's now-wet shirt, so he wouldn't be able to tease me for it.

"You couldn't have known." Was his reply and I started to wonder where his anger from before had run off to. Hadn't he been pretty pissed at me for trying to kill myself? Or maybe he remembered he had done the same and that even 'the best' had to fight against the urge of suicide in dark times?

"But… can you explain why I'm still… alive?" I tried to ask the question that had been gnawing at me since I woke up in a friendlier manner, hoping that I wouldn't get to feel Roy's wrath a second time that day.

He stopped stroking my hair and I tensed up, fearing the worst. "…Havoc told me that he set off a smoke bomb and managed to reach you just in time, so you shot yourself in the shoulder instead of your head."

I hummed in reply and struggled to stay awake, but with one of my annoying questions gone, my body forced itself to relax and I slumped against the man I had first despised, whereas that annoyance had turned into love somewhere along the line – be it love-love or friendly-love.

* * *

Her cheeks were still a bit red as Roy examined her face. Her hair was clinging to her face, wet from the tears that had scared the shit out of him – not like he was ever going to admit that – but all he could notice was the embarrassment lingering in her expression, even though she was asleep. Maybe this woman wasn't as cold as she appeared to be, having built a cliché barrier around herself to keep out any unwanted feelings that could have meant the end of her in her previous life.

But that life had disappeared and he was going to try his best to break the remaining pieces of that barrier so she could live like a normal human being without being surrounded by danger all the time – be it with or without him.


	8. Happy to See You Weep

**Happy to See You Weep**  
_"How do you see me? Can you see my blood when I'm bleeding?"_

"Toothbrush?"

"Check."

"Clothes?"

"Packed."

"Shoes?"

"Wearing them."

I sat on my bed, legs crossed, shoed feet resting on the bed, looking at all the people gathered in 'my' room in irritation. I had actually been looking forward to the day I was allowed to leave the hospital after my meeting with Jack, looking forward to the day that I could finally do something myself, without having some nurse around yelling that I should rest and that she would take care of it all.

But nope, no such thing. Roy had somehow managed to convince his whole crew of men to come to the hospital and take care of all the packing for me. Well, they were taking care of _everything_ for me. Riza had even been the one to combed my hair, for God's sake! Oh my God, it's a hair comb, no way I'm gonna be able to pick that up without breaking my arm, how thoughtful of them!

Thinking about it, Roy probably didn't have to convince them. This just meant they could get to do something other than boring desk work that everybody just _loves_ doing.

Still, it wouldn't have been too much to let me at least pack my bloody bag. Was that really too much to ask for? Apparently it was.

"There, all done!" Roy announced with a loud voice, proudly holding up my packed bag. Like you could actually called it a 'packed' bag. All it really contained was stuff that I was allowed to borrow from Riza, including a few clothes like a pair of trousers, a sweater and some underwear. The guys had put some money together to buy me some things like a comb, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

I stood up and held out my hand, ready to accept the bag, but of course there was no way they were going to let me do something myself. And oh how right I was! Roy swung the bag over his shoulder and grabbed my hand that was still hovering in the air, palm turned upwards.

"And off we go!" Were the words that forced everyone in the room to go into 'action mode'. Marching through the corridors of the hospital, images of my mother's last moments came back to me and I had to try my best to not clench my fist that was still holding Roy's hand. I was sure my hand hadn't even flinched, which was why I was surprised when I felt _Roy's_ hand squeeze mine in return.

Looking up at Roy, I noticed that he was smiling reassuringly at me. For a moment I felt kind of scared, wondering if he could read my thoughts or something. The next thing I knew was that I was suppressing the urge to pinch him in his cheeks, suddenly finding his face too cute to resist.

Wait... What? Since when did I find the Colonel _cute_? Now that we were talking about this subject, why the hell were we holding hands?

And so I commanded my hand to let go, but it seemed at if my body was rebelling against my mind and it just wouldn't do what I wanted it do to and continued holding Roy's hand like there was no tomorrow.

By the time we reached the doors of the hospital, my mind had already given up trying to get my hand to let go of the one it was holding and had accepted the fact that maybe, just maybe, I was starting to get a little attached to the Flame Alchemist. Maybe a little too attached.

"Havoc, Breda, Falman, you take the big car back to the office. Riza, you'll be coming with me and Ellen," he ordered, making it sound like it was the most obvious thing in the world that I was supposed to travel with Roy. Well, maybe it was, seeing as he was the one who had volunteered to 'take care' of me.

Everyone did as they were told. Havoc, who had been forced to carry all my luggage, not that it was all that much, opened the car boot and dumped the bag there before joining Breda and Falman who had already claimed the driver and passenger seat, much to his disappointment.

Roy opened the door to the backseat for me, bowing in that gentlemanly way of his, if that word even existed.

"Ladies first," he mumbled and unlike last time there wasn't any arrogance or intent to annoy me, there was only a sweet tenderness that seemed so out of character for him that I almost blushed. I was just in time to actually force the colour away even before it was actually visible and swallowed a few times, noticing how dry my throat had suddenly become. All these new yet at the same time familiar actions in my body made me do something that was so out of character for _me _that I'd have a heart attack if I ever thought of doing that with a clear mind.

I bent over slightly and pressed my lips against his cheek, so close to his lips that I could feel his small gasp of surprise against my skin, goose bumps spreading across the soft tissue because of its coolness.

After seeing his wide eyes, I couldn't hold back a small giggle and I quickly jumped into the car before I could regret what I had done in my moment of this unfamiliar, familiar feeling. It seemed like ages before the car door was shut again and Roy took his place next to Riza who was going to drive the car back 'home'.

All the while my brain was racing, trying to find out where or when I had had this feeling before. And when a picture of Jack seemed to appear inside of my mind, I could feel my body tense in surprise. Not because of the sudden image of my ex, but because I had had this feeling with him too, in the beginning.

A voice in my head started to yell reasons why it could never be the same thing, though that actually seemed to make my conclusion all the stronger.

Trying to shush the annoying voice, I started to think of the consequences. Okay, so what if I _was_ falling in love with Roy Mustang? Well, then I'd be a really big idiot, because everyone knows that falling in love with a womanizer is one of the most stupidest things one could do, next to making love with a corpse.

But he had been acting awfully different around me ever since the incident with my parents, something I'd rather not think about much longer, thank you very much. Almost like… he had feelings for me as well. But maybe that was one of his player-techniques. Or maybe he actually liked me too. Or maybe…

Placing a hand over my forehead, I tried to calm the headache that was starting to torture my head because of all this thinking. I wasn't used to all this drama of liking people, it all seemed to come natural and without all the thinking in my earlier days.

"You okay? Or was it a bit too early?" Roy's voice drifted towards me and I almost missed it through my clouded mind, but I caught it just in time and quickly straightened my back so that I could properly look him in the eye.

"Yes, I'm fine, don't worry about it. Just a bit of a headache," I quickly answered while searching his eyes for any sign of it being fake concern. All I could see was an honest man, who was really caring for a friend, if I was allowed to consider myself a friend of his, worrying about her health.

And then it happened again, for the second time in those thirty minutes. I couldn't control my movements as my hand reached out and I pressed my palm against his cheek, my thumb softly stroking the flesh beneath it. We sat like that for what seemed forever, both our eyes wide as we stared at each other.

To add to my surprise, Roy actually lifted his own hand and placed it on top of mine, giving it a slight squeeze. Eternity stretched on and on as we continued to look at each other, ignoring the bumpy road that made the position we were in rather uncomfortable, but neither of us seemed to care as we were hypnotized by the orbs of the other.

"Sorry to disturb the moment, but we've arrived."

Riza coughed a few times, trying her best to stifle a small laugh and failing to do so before she opened her door and stepped out of the car. Without waiting any longer, she carefully closed her door as she started to make her way up the stairs towards the building.

Just as sudden as the trance began, it was over and I quickly pulled my hand away from his grasp and used it to push the door to my side open and slam it back into place after leaving the car. Without sparing the man sitting inside another glance, I sprinted up the stairs that Riza had just climbed

It didn't take much longer before I reached the Colonel's office, but as I was about to open the door, I realized _whose_ office it really was and turned around to find the restroom where I sank to the floor in one of the stalls, knees pulled up to my chest and my face practically hidden in my lap.

I bit my lip as I told myself not to cry. It wasn't anything serious, if I just ignored it, it would disappear. At least, I _hoped_ that it would disappear. It wasn't my fault that I was feeling like this, if Roy hadn't used his charms on me, then this all wouldn't have happened.

* * *

While Ellen continued to sulk in the restroom, a certain Colonel was still frozen in a car, his hand pressed against his now-cold cheek. Funny how he could almost hear his skin yearn for the warmth of her touch, an imaginary voice screaming out for it. All he could do was stare in front of him, his hand stuck to his face, as he continued to be surprised about how he was feeling.

There was this weird pain inside of him and it felt much worse than a normal flesh wound. He knew even without trying that sticking a band aid to it wasn't going to help. Yet all he could think of was the fear and confusion in Ellen's eyes as she had snatched her hand away from his. He couldn't remember how many minutes or hours ago it had happened, but he knew that he didn't want it to happen ever again.

So with that thought in mind, he forced his body back into motion and stepped out of the car itself.

It seemed as if she was afraid of what he thought she was feeling – love – after everything that had happened with Jack, but he was determined to show her that there were more sides to it than the one that Jack had showed her.

He wanted to take her fear away.


End file.
